Stupid Things

They have a tendency to show up around Christmas. Though some of them exhibit their stupid tendencies year ‘round. Ponder if you will…

1. Keurig Single Serve Coffee Makers. A year ‘round stupid. Spend $120 for a machine that can only brew 8 ounces of coffee at a time, using special “brew pots” about the size of a diner coffee creamer container which cost upwards of $6 apeice. Walmart – 12 cup Mr. Coffee; $14. 250 coffee filters; $1.19. 1 lb. of Boyer’s Denver Blend Coffee; $7. In combination, about 48 pots or 576 cups of coffee for less than 20% of the price of a single cup from Keurig. I don’t get it. “But you can get all kinds of flavored coffees!” Yeah, and you can still buy a pound of flavored coffee for a buck more than Folgers.

2. Chia Pets. In all of its various annual mutations (this year it’s an Oprah or an Obama Chia pet), one must wonder – Have you ever gone to someone’s home and have them rather excitedly tell you that they can’t wait for you to see their newest Chia Pet? I thought not.

3. The latest all-in-one tool that can remove any bolt no matter how badly rounded the head is, cut ham slices so thin that your in-laws will never come back, and restore that luster to your car’s finish while you’re wrapped in its fleecy softness. With sleeves. How have I lived without it for lo these many moons? I guess by acquiring tools meant to do one job well over the years, as needed. Mantra: never sell tools or kitchen ware (also tools), or firearms. Until you’re dead, of course.

4. The Sears Hammerhead ™ Auto Hammer. OK – a cool tool for a very specific use. The Tim Taylors of the world are drooling and can’t wait to check their stocking on Christmas morning. But I can’t remember the last time I needed a tool that was “ideal for hammering in tight places”. And even pros would be using a nail gun – have you ever seen a carpenter on a DIY network show use one of these things? I fail to see the demand for this one. I’d buy the nail gun – after buying an overkill air compressor first (thanks Dad!)
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Well there’s a start. In contrast, Hot Wheels cars and Yo-Yos are always cool. And men’s handkerchiefs and ball park peanuts. And large plasma TV’s and muscle cars.

See? Buying for guys is easy.