Send In The Clowns

Imagine my surprise when I opened up a piece of mail today from a credit card company whose credit card issued to me years ago was cancelled by me years ago.

I girded my loins (how often does one get to use that phrase?) and opened it to find this:

A check made out to me for $0.22.

Yep – 22 cents.

An account that I opened 12 or 13 years ago, and immediately closed when they switched to being an American Express account (worst card in the world).

Now, it’s time for some math.

First, it cost 37.5 cents to mail me a $0.22 check. $0.37.5 in the debit column.

Second: It probably cost GE (oh – maybe I didn’t mention who pays AMEX debts?) a couple of minutes of somebody’s time to enter my retired account number to send it along to another computer. So, still giving everyone the benefit of the doubt, let’s assume someone took two minutes. $7.25 per hour (current minimum wage) divided by 60 (to get a current minimum wage per minute) equals $0.120833 (repitend). Times two.

So, given the mailing cost - $0.37.5 plus Labor - $0.24, (and I’m being generous and rounding down), we’re up to $0.61 so far to get a check for $0.22 mailed to me.

BUT WAIT!!! THERE’S MORE!!!

The computers that had to run the program.
The cost to run those computers.
The printers needed to print the check.
The hourly wage of those who had to monitor and change ink cartridges.
The paper on which this $0.22 check was printed.
The gasoline required to deliver a MASS number of these checks to a Post Office.
The energy required to sort, collate & distribute all these checks to various zip codes using various machines…

Well, you get the idea. Absurdity to the extreme.

I have not yet decided if I will cash that $0.22 check or frame it. The idea of not cashing it and screwing up GE’s books for years is somehow perversely appealing to me.

Not that me not cashing that check would actually have GE accountants worried for years. In the grand scheme of things, I’m just not that important.

Still, perhaps what I got in the mail was… a reality check?

Hmm…